Old Fashioned Lover
by A Lonely Planet
Summary: I never much understood why these things happened, but they did. So I cheated on her...or that's what it felt like, even though it really shouldn't have.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Please comment. I enjoy them, I might write more :)**

 **Old Fashioned Lover**

 **Prologue:**

The last I had seen her was twenty-four hours ago. I'd been in her arms. Kissing. Hot. Sweaty.

She was the one that kissed me...and for a moment...everything was perfect.

I had been a mess, angry at her and her stupid poker face. It had only taken one touch and I melted. She always did that to me, on a lazy Sunday, when she was two hours late. I normally couldn't stay angry at her...but then she cheated on me.

Costia. She was the one that 'got away'. I hated her, I could tell Lexa loved her. She never really got over her high school sweetheart. She just had to bat her eyelashes, and Lexa was at her beck and call. She just followed her around, like a lost puppy.

I was sick of it. So I told her. "Fuck off!"

She was shocked, and just stared at me. She went to grab my hand, and I pulled away. "Not again." I was begging, pleading. "I can't keep doing this…you obviously don't need me to keep warm in that bed."

She looked down, shuffling her feet. Her face etched into a grimace. I knew that she might as well have been crying...because she had never looked so lost.

I turned away, and left.

I drove to my apartment, pulled the door open and saw Bellamy vacuuming.

He was in some old boxers, and an old shirt with holes. He had some headphones on. He didn't even notice me, until my lips were on his. He almost pulled back, but I wouldn't let him.

I clutched at him...and he looked into my eyes. He got it. So he hit the vacuum's off button with his foot, pulled out his ear-buds, and followed me to my bedroom.

I swear this wasn't revenge. Okay, so it was, but I always like Bellamy. I'd be lying if I said I had never thought about it. I just never thought I'd ever actually act on them. Yet there I was, pulling his boxers down. He reached for my shirt, unclasping my bra.

It had been better than I wanted it to be. I should have been Lexa's girl. I wanted her in my bed. Then again, that didn't happen. She made her choice, and so did I.

It wasn't supposed to mean anything, but after a good two hours of fucking my best friend. It did mean something...I had liked it, a lot.

I just hope I haven't just fucked everything else up.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Please comment and review, it's awesome :)**

 **Chapter 1:**

I woke up to a phone call. Sitting up, I groaned. I had a headache. Looking next to me, Bellamy was still sleeping, very happily mind you. He was even snoring. God.

One name was plastered to the screen of my phone. Lexa. Of course. She couldn't have waited until I was wearing clothes, or my best friend was in his. She had to call at ten in the morning. Okay, so that wasn't an unreasonable time, but I still felt sleepy.

I it picked up, wincing in preparation.

"I'm sorry" was the first thing she said. She was always sorry. "I fucked up, I get it. It's just..." Yep, here it comes. "I love her, I always have, and I always told you I never wanted anything serious-"

That's when I cut her off. "Yeah right Lexa! You say this all the damned time. Whenever Costia gets bored, you run over to her, right after you tell me how much you want me."

"I do want you Clarke, I…I could even fall for you, but you don't get it. We love each other, and we've been together for eight years. I can't just throw that away."

I should of realised it before...but I was never going to be good enough. I would never have that history with her...and honestly, I don't think I wanted to. "We've been together for two years, in that time you've slept with Costia seven times Lexa. If that's an eight year relationship, then you can have it, I'm done, you deserve everything you get."

I may have spoken too loudly, borderline yelling, because I turned to Bellamy watching me.

"Is that what last night was about?"

I wanted to say no. "Yes."

He nodded, sitting up, looking out the window. "Do you want to forget it ever happened?"

Please say yes. "No."

He glanced over to me, our eyes locked. "Where do we go now?"

That pause lasted forever.

"How about breakfast?"

I don't know why, but mentioning food always made Bellamy happy, so he just grinned. "Yeah, sure. Eggs and bacon sound good?"

I almost laughed, what? He makes the best eggs. "Always, but I'm making some beans."

He chuckled, "Fine, but later we are totally having a farting contest."

I scrunched up my nose in amusement. "Fine, but we both know I'll win."

The eggs had been awesome, I even made toast, with butter, a winning combination. And to clarify, I did win the farting contest, and Bellamy won the window opening contest right after. It took twenty minutes before the apartment smelled right again. Don't blame me, blame the beans.

I looked at my phone afterwards, eleven missed calls, and twenty-seven texts. They ranged from 'I miss you' to 'I'm sorry'. I was about to block her number, until I saw the last text. It was well over two-hundred words, and it started with, 'I left Costia'.

I just sat there really silent, and Bellamy glanced over my shoulder reading everything. I didn't mind, I'd have given it to him later anyway.

I spoke softly, "I thought she was never going to leave Costia…the hell. Just when I accept I'm never going to have her, she leaves the love of her life." I looked at Bel, lost. "What do I do now?"

He scratched the back of his head, "Do you still love her?"

I looked down at the phone, reading the message again. "Yeah...I mean. I thought I was the backup, and she chose me. Even though I left."

He put his arm around my shoulder, "Forger about last night. You should go after her."

I felt tears...I should've cried yesterday, but I hated crying. I hated being weak, but Bel just held me.

"I don't want to forget about last night." I looked at him seriously. "It was nice."

He smiled, "I liked it too, but I though Lexa was some tragic love that brought you to the moon and back."

I laughed at the irony, "Well I came back, and I'm not sure I like it up there."

He took the phone, and chucked it to the bed. "You know what? Octavia called me last night, something about going out for beers, do you want to come? It's got to be better than moping over a maybe Ex. I mean, you can call her later."

I smiled, "Sure. I could use the alcohol, and the company."

He held out a hand, helping me up. "Good, but until then I still need to clean this dump. And because of someone, I barely did half the floor."

I threw a pillow at him, and predictable, he caught it. "You liked it, don't lie!"

I spent five hours cleaning that house, by the end it was cleaner than the bum of a gnome. Alright terrible analogy, but the house did look way cleaner. I'd finally put all my books on the shelf, after weeks of taking them down and littering the house with them.

By the time we were done, had lunch, done more cleaning, it was almost night. I put on my favourite shirt, that had Star Wars all over it. Yes I'm a fan. Some black jeans, and a purple jacket. To clarify, dark purple, I don't look like a clown, and some old boots. I looked awesome.

When I stepped out of my room, Bellamy looked me up and down. Yep, awesome.

Bel even looked great in his new suit. He always dressed up, and I loved him for it.

The door bell rang. I opened up. Octavia, with her babe Lincoln. They looked great together, and of course they were wearing all black. I think they're in a Goth band together...or maybe it was Punk. Either way it worked.

She smiled at me, "Hi Clarke, I hear you boned my brother."

And she was as inappropriate as ever. Bellamy gagged. Lincoln frowned.

I just smiled, "As always, it's great to see you Octavia."

She shrugged, "It's fine, just don't drag Bel into all this Lexa nonsense. I don't need you breaking his heart."

Bellamy saved the bell for me, I know bad pun. "I'm old enough Octavia, besides, when Clarke saw me and my mad cleaning skills. She just had to have me."

Octavia rolled her eyes. "I'm sure."

Lincoln smirked, "Kind of like me and Octavia."

Octavia punched him in the arm, he rubbed it, still smirking. Bellamy's head was caught in his hands, and I grinned, taking his hand, kissing him on the cheek. He look up in surprise, but still smiled.

This was going to be a long, albeit great night.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Management **Chapter Text**

 **Chapter 2:**

I took the shot, drowning it quickly. It was one in the morning.

Bellamy smiled, "I'm not sure I can have any more."

Octavia smirked, "I can always drink more." She was about to grab another shot, until Lincoln snatched it from her.

"No you're not." Lincoln swallowed it down. "You've had enough." He hiccuped. "And so have I apparently." Then he just hiccuped again.

I moaned, "I want to drink more, but I feel so sick."

Bellamy took my shot glass, staring at it. "It's no wonder, you drank six of these."

My head hit the counter lightly, "You would too."

Bellamy shrugged, pulling himself up, "Maybe."

I looked around, this was the fifth place we'd crashed, but this bar was by far the most empty. Yeah it had people...but there was only ten other people here….including the bartender.

I rubbed my forehead, "They don't even have any music. Who's idea was it to come here?"

Octavia smirked, "You."

I sighed, "Obviously it has a terrible idea. You guys should have stopped me."

"You're wrong," Bellamy stood up, walking across the room just to lean on a jukebox. "We have all the music we could ever want, does anyone have a quarter?"

Lincoln pulled a handful out of his pocket, "I've got a night full of music right here."

I raised my eyebrows, "Where did you get so many?"

Octavia shook her head, "You don't want to know, the story is like a half-day long. Trust me, I was dumb enough to ask."

Lincoln slung his arm around Octavia, "Let's just put it this way, I've got connections with every arcade in the country."

Octavia rolled her eyes. "It's true, but that's as far as where going with the story. Let's just use the coins, or you're going to sound like Santa's slay for two more months."

Lincoln nodded, "It's true, and I have to stop undermining my own coolness. It's a hereditary problem."

I laughed. "I bet."

Lincoln put in a coin, and put on some obscure jazz song, sung by Julie London. He took Octavia's hand, and they were dancing. I couldn't help but watch them. Yes they were the odd couple, but they were also strangely perfect for each other.

Bellamy walked up to me, holding out his hand. "May I have this dance?"

I giggled. "How gentlemanly, of course Bellamy. I could never say no."

He laughed, ducking his head, "We'll I don't know."

Bellamy pulled me close...and we danced for hours. It was nice, actually it was very nice. I couldn't help but think of Lexa, she'd always lead, because of course she did. With her, there was no calm, it was tension, heat and savagery. When Lexa wanted something, she'd take it, and I used to love that about her, until it meant taking Costia.

I frowned, pulling Bellamy closer, until my head was on his chest. I just wanted to listen to his heartbeat. Bellamy almost faulted, bringing his arms around me, he rested his face gently against my head.

The music continued to play...and Lincoln wasn't lying, because we kept dancing until daylight.

Me and Bel said our goodbyes to Octavia and Lincoln, and took a bus home. When I opened the door, hand-in-hand with Bellamy, the last thing I expected to see was Lexa sleeping on my coach.

I paused, deer in the headlights. Bellamy turned on the lights, rather ironically, and stopped just as suddenly as me.

Lexa, on the other hand, had a rude awakening. She looked up to find us looking at her. She rubbed her eyes. "God, how long were you guy's out?"

I then chose to close the door, maybe a little too loudly, "What the hell are you doing here Lexa?"

She bit her lip, looking down, "I wanted to work things out properly, so you wouldn't just hang up on me."

To say I was shocked was a little bit of an understatement...but now that she was here...I couldn't just ignore her. Fuck, Lexa knew that. I wanted her to leave, yet we still needed to talk...and I was tired, still a little drunk. This was not the right time for this.

"So you just waltz over here expecting an apology? Jesus Lexa. I'm not some yoyo. You can't just decide this shit. I had a really good night, and you had to ruin it." I pointed to Bellamy. "And really he makes me feel ten times better than you ever did."

Bellamy raised his hands as if in surrender, "Sorry, but I can't get dragged into this."

Before I could say anything else, he just beelined for his room and shut the door. I didn't care that I brought Bellamy into it, what I did care about was the hurt all over Lexa's face, as her eyes followed him out of the room.

"You slept with him." I wanted to say she was accusing me, but her voice was so small. I'd never heard her like that...when her heart was breaking.

"It's not like I didn't have a right to. Not after the shit you pulled."

She was so silent then, just sitting there. I swear I almost heard the cogs in her head moving. "You're right, I shouldn't have come."

She got up, about to leave, fuck. I'd hurt her, just like I wanted to, but I did it a little too well.

Before her hand even reached the door handle, I pulled her into my arms. "I didn't want to hurt you, but I really like Bellamy, like a lot. I think I could start something with him Lexa." She was about to pull away, before I held on tighter. "But I still want you. I love you. I just wish you'd be with me."

Lexa paused, "I love you too. I'm sorry for being so terrible, I just can't lose you...but him. I can't believe it Clarke."

I bit the inside of my cheek. "So you don't think it's possible I could have both of you?"

Lexa turned to look at me, dumbfounded. "I...I've never shared before."

I smiled softly, "You made me share...maybe we could learn to."

 **A/N: Please comment. I enjoy them, I might write more :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3:**

I hadn't slept in thirty-six hours. That's how long we talked for, so when I hit the bed that night, I was beyond grateful. Lexa had left...she wasn't happy, but she wasn't angry either. I think frustrated is the right word. Bellamy had been just as tired as me when he joined the conversation. He wasn't close minded, but the idea didn't seem to sit well with him.

I'm not sure why I even brought it up. It probably wasn't my finest moment, but I really liked both of them, and right now, it wasn't off the table. That's more than I ever thought would happen. Well, I never thought this would happen outside of this one threesome fantasy I've had for a while, but yeah. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't at least a little hopeful.

…

The alarm went off. Seven in the morning. I covered my face with a pillow, groaning. I had a class today, and my job. Monday, the worst day of the week.

I heard a knock on my door before it opened. Bellamy grinned, back from his morning run, sweaty, with his tank top soaking in sweat, clinging to him just tight enough. What? The guy is hot...nice muscles.

He hit the snooze button. "Come on Clarke, if you don't get up I'm driving on without you."

I huffed from under the pillow, "But it's so bloody early."

He laughed, "I got up at five."

I threw said pillow right at his face, and of course he caught it. "We're not all fitness maniacs."

He shrugged, chucking the pillow on the bed. "I dunno, you're pretty fit Clarke, I mean you've got stamina...and your muscles ripple beautifully when I-"

That's when I shot up and slapped his arm. "God, is this what's gonna happen now?"

He sat next to me. "Yeah, sex bragging rights."

I smirked, "So I get to talk about how large your-"

This time he cut me off. "Yes, but shut up."

I couldn't help my grin, "We're both terrible people."

He smiled right back. "Yeah, but the love is there."

"Aww," I gave what Bel described as my 'cute face'. "You're giving me a toothache."

He rolled his eyes, "I get it, you're cute too, you sarcastic brat."

I grabbed him then for a hug. "God Bel, you're so sweaty."

He pulled me in tighter, "Yeah well, you can always shower with me."

I shook my head, pulling back slightly to look at him, "Maybe later, when this mess is sorted."

His mouth went slightly agape. "I was joking, but I won't say no."

I kissed him on the cheek, "Neither would I."

The rest of that morning should have been awkward, but it wasn't. We just went right back to normal, we were always comfortable like that. He drove me to class, and before you ask, yes I have a drivers license, but like we share an apartment, we also share a car. Bel is the better driver. He wants to be a professional race car driver, he's won some local competitions on the track, but nothing big.

Actually that's not completely true, he _wanted_ to be a professional driver. He's a mechanic, and he still drives local tournaments. The bright side, whenever the car breaks, he fixes it. Once I called him a 'fix-it elf'. He tackled me in a bear hug, taking us both down, landing on coach. It hurt, but we were both laughing, so it was cool.

I was about to leave, before I kissed his cheek. "I'll see you later."

He scratched behind his head, before deciding to kiss the back of my hand. A true gentleman. "Yeah, I'll see you tonight."

I got out of the car, and he drove off.

University was annoying, but it was my last year. Yeah, I had decided it was a bright idea to do a Master's degree right after my B.A. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but hey, it's not that bad. I'll just never do a degree again.

I walked to the weirdest part of uni, where it was literally the only building behind a car park, twenty minute walk away from anything. Yes, half my classes were in this building.

I opened the door, to find Lexa leaning against the wall. I forgot to mention, she's in most of my classes, we're taking the same course. I know, fun. She looked up from her book and smiled weakly at me. Okay, maybe I was being a little harsh.

I jogged up to her, smiling just as hesitantly. "Hey."

She opened her mouth to speak, before closing it, only to open it again. Her face a mask, but I knew she was hurting. "Um, hi. I, I can walk you to class."

I took her hand then, "Yes you can."

We went to class. It was boring, all about how great this old 1920s silent film was. It was alright, but wasn't half as interesting Metropolis, an actual great silent film from that era.

Lexa snorted slightly, and took out a piece of paper, scribbling on it. _I can't believe this guy, he's already talked for an hour._

I glanced down, grinning. _I know, I still can't understand how this class is compulsory._

Lexa bit her lip. _Yeah, well, we've gotta be tortured by this bull._

I couldn't help my smile widening. _And we're paying for it too._

Lexa looked up, only to write faster. _We've got two more hours of this stuff._

I moaned. _Don't remind me._

By the end of the class, I was giggling with Lexa, as we mocked our teacher. Yes, we even drew a shitty stick figure of him with terrible hair, thick glasses, being eaten by a shark. Yes it's a piss poor attempt at comedy, but we were snorting a little too loudly by the end of class. Of course we threw it in the bin immediately, we did need to get suspended by a stupid drawing.

I held out my hand, and Lexa took it. We walked fast, just to escape that stupid room. Lexa smiled, as we broke for a run down the hallway.

When we got to the door, she looked down to me. "How are you getting to work?"

I paused, averting my eyes. "I was going to take a bus."

Lexa frowned, "You don't have to, I can drive you like normal. It'll only take me ten minutes, and besides, who wanted to wait thirty minutes for some old bus."

I shouldn't of hesitated, but I couldn't help it. "Alright. If it's not a problem."

Lexa smiled sadly, "It's never a problem."

The drive was long and quiet. At least that's what it felt like. When she parked at the corner, I pulled her in for a hug, she stiffened. I felt like I was clinging to a statue, before her arms wrapped around me.

Her face buried into my hair, "I missed this. I swear, I'm not going to fuck up again. I know I...but won't, I can't."

I think I almost cried. No, I'm not being dramatic, but I could feel my eyes watering. I forgot just how much she was hurting, even if it was obvious.

"I know...but we've still got to talk, a lot."

I pulled back, kissing her right then, long and hard. She held me, and for a moment, I remembered about the first time I'd taken her into my arms. The moment her lips captured mine, and I melted.

She could tell the change, because she didn't hesitate to tighten her hold, or push her tongue past my lips. I loved it, maybe a little too much. Before long, I pulled back to catch my breath. I looked at my watch, I had to leave, great. I really, _really_ wanted to stay.

I looked up to her, to see the hunger in her eyes. "I've got to go."

She nodded, "I know, if you want, I'll pick you up tonight."

I bit the inside of my cheek, "Yeah, I'd like that."

She smiled, a softness spilling in her gaze. "Awesome."

When I left, I pulled out my mobile, texting. _Hey Bel, Lexa is picking me up tonight, don't worry._

I felt it buzz back a few minutes later. _Cool, I'll see you later._

I walked into a cafe, standing behind the counter. Oh, I guess I should have explained, I'm a barista. It's a pretty good job, and I work with Octavia. I know, shocking. She's the best waitress you'll ever have serve you, I'm not joking, somehow she's awesome.

I was trying to give my A game today, but my head was lost in the clouds, I couldn't stop thinking about Lexa. I mean, I'd be seeing her tonight, and…and it's not much of a reason. But I've pissed been at her for days, and I think I deserved to be happy to see my girlfriend for a change.

 **A/N: If you enjoy the story please review :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I hope you enjoy and review :)**

 **Chapter 4:**

The cafe is called Atlas World Theatre. Don't ask me what it means, I've asked the owner five times, each time he gave me a different reason. My favourite one was about how it was named after his Great Grandfather that invented the Frisbee. I know it's bull, but it was a great story about World War 1.

Octavia smirked, as she hoisted herself onto the counter, sitting rather comfortably, "So tell all. Are you and Lexa screwing again?"

I chocked on a cup of coffee. "No, not yet."

She gave me a look that I didn't like. "So when are you?"

"None of your business," I huffed under my breath.

Normally I'd yell at her, but we were at work, even if it was 7:50pm. Yes we were closing soon, in like ten minutes, and no one was there. But I had to be professional, even if Octavia forgot all manner of sense.

She rolled her eyes. "C'mon Clarke I waited seven hours. You could tell me something!"

I sighed, yeah we talked at work, but mainly to customers. I didn't really blame her. "I might be dating Bel and Lexa."

That made her frown. "Seriously my brother, you better know what you're doing Clarke or we're going to have a problem."

My mouth went dry. "I don't, but that doesn't mean I don't care about Bel,"

Octavia just sat there, still as a cloudless sky. "Just take care of him."

"I will."

I couldn't say anything else, and I knew she wasn't happy. But what could I say? I was caught between two lovers, a house of cards just waiting to fall down.

The door opened and I smiled. It was Lexa. She was dressed in an old leather jacket, with some torn up jeans. On most people, these clothes would've looked stupid, but not on Lexa.

"You're early," Octavia snorted, sarcasm dripping from her every pore, "missed me that much?"

Lexa pulled up a seat, barely glancing at her. "No, I could never miss you."

Octavia gripped the side of the counter, hands becoming fists, "Sure."

I pulled Octavia's hair. "Ouch." She screeched a little too loudly.

She got off the counter, hitting the floor lightly, a perfect landing. "Yeah, just be careful around her Clarke, because I really don't think you have any idea where you're going with your...mess."

I really wanted to punch Octavia then, but not because she wasn't right, because she was being a fucking jerk. "Just shove off Octavia."

She just shrugged as she walked away.

Lexa's eyes were right on me, "Are you okay?"

I sighed, really annoyed. "Yeah." I turned to Lexa, exhaling loudly. "Where are we headed?"

Lexa smiled softly, "I figured I'd take you home."

I pouted, I know lame. "I thought we could hang out."

Lexa laughed, and it reached her eyes, in the way that made them shine. "Yeah, well Bel called me, we talked for awhile. Looks like we're having a meeting tonight."

I huffed, "Figures he'd get to you before me."

Lexa gently pulled me closer by the strap of my apron, and kissed me right on the lips. Then of course she pulled back too soon.

She tugged at my hair, and I opened my eyes. "Yeah, well, the guy makes a lot of sense."

I stared at Lexa, biting the inside of my cheek, "What did he say?"

"That until we sort this nonsense, none of us can really have you."

I paused, it was all sorts of true, and that's why I didn't like it.

"Yeah, I know." Was all I could think to say.

I pulled off my apron, and put on a black hoodie, it complimented the night sky rather well. Lexa and I held hands as we got to the door. Lexa smirked, she had brought her motorbike, and immediately I was smiling like a kid on Christmas. I loved that bike.

Lexa noticed and she went back to plain old grinned. "I figured you'd appreciate it."

I jumped on her, pulling her in for a death grip hug. "You're the best!"

I put on a black helmet. Sat right behind her and clung on for dear life. The whole time a smile was plastered all over my face. I loved watching the city blur by, as if lost in time. It was great, and so was Lexa.

When we got to my house I really didn't want to get off the bike, or go up to my house and walk past the door. But I did, and damn those stairs took forever.

It was cool though seeing Bellamy sleeping on the couch with some movie on. I almost pinched his nose to wake him up, however my footsteps woke him up. With his eyes opened, he grinned, he knew exactly what I was going to do. So he snatched me, and pulled me into a tight grip.

And that's when he started tickling. I was laughing so much, that soon it hurt.

"Okay, I give up!" I shouted.

He laughed, "Then apologise. Trying to wake me up like that, what a dirty trick."

That's when I kicked him hard in the shin. Hey, all is fair in love and war. "I'm not sorry."

He was stunned for a moment and I pulled away, and with no couch left, I ended up on the floor. Now that hurt.

I sat up rubbing the back of my head. "That freaking sucked."

He wouldn't stop laughing, the bastard. "Yeah, well you shouldn't kick people."

I rolled my eyes, "Oh fuck off."

He just laughed louder.

The whole time Lexa had found a seat on an armchair and was bursting at the seams, trying not evolve into hysterics. I rolled my eyes smiling, okay maybe it was a little funny.

I pushed Bellamy over, "C'mon give me a seat you overgrown walrus."

Bel just sat up and gave me room...and that was when I was between both people, a rather significant position given the current situation.

I almost wanted to stand, just to sit on the floor, because all of a sudden everything went silent and that's when I knew things were about to become a lot more serious.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Don't forget to review :)**

 **Chapter 5:**

I exhaled, loudly. I didn't want to speak, so I didn't say a word.

Bel got up. "I'm going to get a beer, do you guys want anything?"

"I'll have one too," Lexa smiled, weakly.

I huffed, "Some tea."

He nodded, making his way to the kitchen.

Lexa turned to me, as I watched him. "He's a good guy."

"Yeah he is," I pulled at the hem of my hoodie.

She took that same hand, making me lookup. "It's going to be fine Griffin. Stop being so nervous. You'll always have me."

I almost laughed, roughly, uncaringly. She'd almost lost me. I had meant it when I left. It was meant to be forever, until I looked into her dedicated eyes, and I really wondered if there really was a forever with Lexa. I'm not sure she'd ever lose me, ever...and right now, I might be okay with that.

"I know." Before she said anything else, I pulled her in. Kissing her fiercely. I didn't want to let go, and neither did she.

Bellamy walked in, and putting down a tray.

Lexa pulled back, smiling at Bel. "Thanks. I love a good cold beer."

Bellamy smirked. "Same, nothing better."

I got my tea, "You guy's are alcoholics. Tea's are far more healthy and relaxing."

Lexa chuckled, glancing to Bel, "Sure, you always say that, but I haven't had a drink in two weeks."

Bel shrugged, almost conspiring with Lexa. "I only drink once in awhile anyway."

I take sip that turns into a gulp, prolonging the inevitable. "So...what did you guy's want to talk about anyway?"

Bel rubbed his hands together. Looking down, his shoulder's were hunched over, as if the weight of the world was dragging him down. "I like you Clarke...and I will always be your best friend first. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you."

Lexa was biting into her cheek, her lips in a thin line. "I've never...had to share someone before…and it would be a lie to say I wanted to. Yet, I haven't been known to be a faithful lover...it's not who I am. So maybe this way, if I can get your permission. I'd like to be free to pursue other sexual distractions."

I paused, god they were just laying it all out there. "I only want you guy's. No one else. God I always thought I was monogamous."

Bellamy laughed, taking my hand in his, "If it helps, I never thought I'd sleep with you, or get a chance to get a cool girlfriend."

Bel was like that...he'd had one major girlfriend in his whole life. Raven. A cool girl that knew more about cars, well anything electronic really, than anyone else. A genius. Well, she left Bel after five years, because of this great job opportunity halfway across the country. He was devastated, and never thought he'd love again. I was there for everything, and it really sucked.

I squeezed his hand right back. "I'm only the coolest girl you've slept with."

Lexa smirked. "I'd know."

That's when I blushed. Even more so when Bel smirked.

"She is really good isn't she," He shot Lexa a toothy grin lifting his hand.

Lexa high-fived him. "Hell yes."

"Alright, shut up." I spilled. I couldn't believe I got myself into this mess.

Lexa shrugged, "It's okay. We won't brag too much, but just to make it clear, I'm a Lesbian, so no threesomes."

Bellamy nodded, "Fair enough. I'm a one woman man anyway."

I took another sip, glancing at Lexa, "I don't mind if you sleep around, but tell me first who and when. I don't want to come to your place to find you having sex. Also no having sex at my place, use protection."

Lexa crossed her arms, beer in hand. "I can do that, but seriously, use protection? I'm not fourteen Clarke, besides you know I'm super careful."

I agreed, looking to Bellamy. "It's true. She wouldn't have sex with me until I went to the doctor to prove I had no STI's."

Lexa grinned a little too widely, "Besides I'm not the one here who could get pregnant."

I turned my head so fast, I almost gave myself whiplash, "I'm not getting pregnant."

Bellamy sat there awkwardly, "Jeez, I've got a draw just for condoms."

Lexa looked right at Bellamy, smiling almost proudly. "Good for you. I always took you for a stuffed shirt."

He shook his head, "I'll have you know, I may be a gentleman, but I'm a sexual gentleman."

I couldn't help the laugh that burst from my lips. "That sounds like a porno Bel."

He smiled right back at me, "Who says I haven't been in one, with this physique."

Lexa leaned back into her seat, eyeing him. "It is true. I'd have banged Bellamy if, you know, I did dudes."

Bellamy felt his lips tug further up, "The Sexual Gentleman, a man that almost turns lesbians straight, pursues the Bisexual Madam."

I couldn't help the laugh that tore from my throat and neither could Lexa.

Lexa ran her finger's in her hair, as she set an empty beer bottle down. "Yeah, almost."

He gave her a wink. "Ever change your mind, you've got my number."

I couldn't help myself. "If this ever happens, I get to watch."

Lexa turned to me, watching me, as she leaned back, boots on the table. She looked right out of a Mafia movie. "Maybe, but I really doubt it'll be this lifetime."

I shrugged, leaning into Bellamy. "Sorry, but I tried Bel."

He pulled me into a bear hug. "It's fine, your all I need."

It'd been a pretty good day overall, we all knew where we stood. I thought everything was fine, until my mobile called. I walked over to it, pulling up to my ear.

It was my mum, and she sounded really stressed. "Clarke honey. It's your dad. He's been in accident."

My face fell. What? "How bad is it?"

"I don't know, but he might not make it through the night honey."

I dropped the phone. I think I was hyperventilating. Before I knew it, Bellamy had picked up the phone, talking to my mum and Lexa was next to me in an instant.

"What is is it?" She whispered, pulling me in for a hug.

"It's my dad...we've got to go to a hospital now!"


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Please read and review!**

 **Chapter 6:**

It was a wonder Bellamy kept under the speed limit that night. He was driving like a maniac. Lexa? I clung to her the whole trip in the back seat. She stroked my hair. I think she was saying something, but honestly, it was all a blur.

I never liked hospitals, especially now.

I used to go to them all the time as a kid. My mum was, is, this famous surgeon. She'd get all the hard cases, but she loved it. 'Always a good challenge,' she'd say.

But me, I only ever saw sick people, and sometimes, they never come back. The people who did, they never seemed to get better...I always thought they all ended up dead.

Yeah, I hate hospitals, and I hated that my dad had to be here.

Lexa pulled out a phone. Calling my mum. She looked up at me, "It's room 315. He's still in surgery."

I had already started bolting before she had finished the sentence. I went to the reception desk. Demanding directions. They were given by a rather startled old man. I didn't even thank him. I just kept walking.

Lexa and Bel had to jog to catch up. They didn't even say a word.

I took a right turn. Then a left. I pressed a button. Tapping my foot, just waiting for an elevator. As soon as it opened, I was inside. Bel and Lexa close behind.

It was going up, and in the silence, my heart fell through my stomach. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. Tears were threatening to break. Lexa had her hand on my shoulder, and I looked at her. She looked as scared as I felt. Her eyes too open, her jaw slack. She'd fit in perfectly in an old horror movie...if only this was fiction.

I shrugged her off, and she pulled back. Hurt, and even more scared.

Bel, he was just quietly looking down at his feet.

When the doors opened, I rushed past them. Both Lexa and Bel followed suit.

I went down endless hallways until. 315. There was no better number. I looked down and saw my mum, waiting for me. I immediately pulled her into a tight hug. The normally smiling, well-kept woman was a mess. Just smelling her, she needed a shower.

"How long has he been in there?" I needed to know.

"An hour."

I pulled back, only to notice my mum was shaking. "You need to sit. Let's go to the waiting room, it's down the hall."

My mum, Abby, just nodded. I gently tugged her there, we both really needed to sit down.

"When was the last time you ate?" I asked carefully, watching her closely. Her eyes were unfocused, she barely heard me.

"I don't know."

Fuck, she looked worse than me. The way she looked into her hands. The way her voice cracked. I just knew my mum needed me more than I needed her.

"Bel." He all but jumped out of his seat. "Can you please go get some food?" I glanced at him, but he was already out of there.

Lexa, she sat there really awkwardly. Her hands were laced together on her lap, and her face beyond impenetrable. Yeah, she was doing badly too.

I paused, "Can you please help him? I need some food too."

She looked at me gratefully, before fleeing.

I turned to my mother. She looked as if she were about to cry...and my mouth was dry. I didn't know what I could say to make everything better…and just knowing I couldn't.

I just hated it.

"What happened?" I wanted to force an answer out of her, but I just couldn't.

And my voice was so small...I hadn't sounded like that in years. Not Since the death of an old boyfriend. I'd been fifteen, convinced I was in love. He was the 'cool guy'. Brown hair, charming looks. He was always breaking the rules...and he was a grade above me. Of course I was in love.

Until one of his dumb risks killed him. Drinking behind a wheel...racing a friend. He died in a 'blaze of glory'. His words, not mine.

My mum looked up at me, eyes glazed over. I was surprised she even saw me. "I got the call six hours ago...when I found out he was hit by a car."

I sucked in a breath and took one of my mum's hands. "Do you know anything else?"

"Clarke." That's when I heard it in her voice. I knew it was really bad. "You might want to say good-bye tonight. I...it's a miracle he's been alive this long."

….

I don't normally feel this angry. Normally I'm fine. I handle things. I fix things. It's what I do. My mum needed help installing a washing machine last month, so I researched and did my bit. Bel needed milk, I bought some on the way home.

This wasn't milk.

It was my dad...and I can't help him.

I don't normally pray, and I'm really bad at it. But I did that night, because I need my dad. He...gets me in a way my mum never did. Not that I don't love them both, but he always made me laugh. Was totally fine with me dating Lexa, even though my mum didn't approve.

With good reason, but that's a different story.

He just never judged me. I could be myself...and I miss that. I...even Bel isn't the same, as much as I love him.

I rubbed my eyes only to find myself crying. Clinging to my mother, just as she clung to me. It was as if we were were adrift in the night sky, searching for an answer in the silence.

"I love you."

It's all I could think to say. She nodded, my head pressed into her breast. I loved listening to her heartbeat, I always did.

….

I didn't know how long it was, but I looked up to find Bel and Lexa with two bags of takeaway. Chinese. It looked good, and despite everything, I was freaking hungry.

I tapped my mum on the shoulder, and she looked up too. When she saw the food, she gave a small smile, I could tell she was grateful for the distraction.

Bel sat down next to me holding out some chop sticks. I was beyond happy...because I was hungry as hell.

I grabbed a bag and ate some great noodles.

No one talked, and even when the food was done, and hours past. We just stayed silent...and on the edge of something so tall, I could barely see the bottom.

I looked down at my watch...a present from my father. It was ticking by, when a doctor finally approached us.

His face was unreadable, he looked directly to my mother. "You're husband is in a stable but critical condition. He's not out of the woods yet, but the worst part is over."

I felt myself melt into my seat...and my mum...she was smiling. Really smiling.

It was them she got up and discussed medical jargon with the doctor. I tuned it all out. I was just glad my dad was okay.


End file.
